The fourth “Don’t” or the second “F” in GAFFS is Don’t: Focus on the person; focus on the “deal.”

Oftentimes, due to the stress of negotiating, emotions can run high. Without realizing it, personalities enter the equation and can slowly creep into the bargaining equation. I honestly cannot say that everyone I ever had the opportunity to negotiate with has been my “new best friend.” I will say, however, that each time I let personal feelings enter the equation, I ended up with less than an I otherwise could have by focusing on the business rather than the person.

Let’s be realistic. You will not necessarily enjoy the company of everyone with whom you negotiate. And, you need to recognize that in the eyes of every other person you encounter during negotiations, you will not be the person that makes them happy.

The key is to recognize when the other party is getting to your emotions and take a break. I found that if I could caucus with my team and tell them what was bothering me about the other party, we often ended up laughing about it before returning to the negotiating table. In many case, it was a function of stress and diminished energy that was interfering with my thought processes.

The key here is to defuse the situation before continuing with the negotiations. The worst thing you can do is display your emotions with an outburst of words that can never be retracted. In some cultures it could be such an embarrassment that the other party might reconsider whether they want to continue to negotiate with you personally. They even may go so far as to question whether they want to do business with your company.

In summary, focusing on the person instead of the “deal” only serves to weaken your position. The problem is you’ll never know by how much!

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