“Beware of the Empathy Trap
A trick some men use when negotiating with women is to make them feel guilty simply for negotiating, says Miller, by putting their relationship in the balance.’They use their friendship or their relationship to get women to agree to something they might not otherwise agree to. I call this the empathy trap.’ This isn’t exclusively something that men do to women, of course, but because women often put more value on relationships, some negotiators will exploit this.
However, reaffirming that it’s okay to negotiate will put you on stronger emotional footing. For example, you may feel uncomfortable asking for a higher salary than the one that’s offered, but managers likely expect you to negotiate (and may even see it as a lack of confidence if you fail to do so). ‘When [people] learn that it’s not only acceptable to negotiate, but expected at a certain level, they become very good negotiators. Initially, some of them are afraid to negotiate and therefore pull their punches.’ Miller says a negotiator’s mentality should always be that ‘I’m happy to give you what you need, as long as you give me what I need.’
Seeing what happens when you don’t negotiate should also motivate you to lobby for your interests. ‘You see that people take advantage of you if you’re not negotiating. Once that happens and you recognize it, emotionally, you say that’s not going to happen again.’”
Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time
To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.