“Beware of the Empathy Trap
A trick some men use when negotiating with women is to make them feel guilty simply for negotiating, says Miller, by putting their relationship in the balance.’They use their friendship or their relationship to get women to agree to something they might not otherwise agree to. I call this the empathy trap.’ This isn’t exclusively something that men do to women, of course, but because women often put more value on relationships, some negotiators will exploit this.

However, reaffirming that it’s okay to negotiate will put you on stronger emotional footing. For example, you may feel uncomfortable asking for a higher salary than the one that’s offered, but managers likely expect you to negotiate (and may even see it as a lack of confidence if you fail to do so). ‘When [people] learn that it’s not only acceptable to negotiate, but expected at a certain level, they become very good negotiators. Initially, some of them are afraid to negotiate and therefore pull their punches.’ Miller says a negotiator’s mentality should always be that ‘I’m happy to give you what you need, as long as you give me what I need.’

Seeing what happens when you don’t negotiate should also motivate you to lobby for your interests. ‘You see that people take advantage of you if you’re not negotiating. Once that happens and you recognize it, emotionally, you say that’s not going to happen again.’”

Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time

To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.

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“Don’t Fall in Love

The first thing a car salesman asks when you walk onto the lot is,’Do you want to take a test drive?’ That’s because once you fall in love with the heated seats and surround-sound audio system, he can play to your emotional attachment to the car instead of the facts and figures of the deal. ‘The worst thing you can do is become emotionally attached to a deal because then it feels very hard to walk away,’ says Miller. ‘If you’re not willing to walk away from a deal, you really can’t negotiate effectively.’

To avoid having your emotions toyed with, have a backup plan for whatever it is you’re negotiating–a raise, a course of action, a new role in your company. ‘If you know you can get the same car at a dealer that’s a mile away, then you’re not going to be as emotionally attached to buying this car from this dealer,’ says Miller. And that alone might help you get a better deal.”

Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time

You have heard it before. Try and keep emotions and personalities off to the side when negotiating. The key to a better outcome is to focus on the issues.

To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.

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3. “Watch Out for Inflated Emotions
While shopping for a car, I was amazed by the knack car salesmen have for setting the tone of the conversation. As I lobbied for a lower price, better financing, or even free floor mats, I was met not just by a counter-offer, but an emotional response as well. He would appear upset by my gall, seemingly perturbed by my ‘unfair’ demands. Had I offended him? Did I cross an invisible line? Well, in this case, it’s more likely that he was exaggerating, hoping I’d retreat. ‘People tend to like human interactions to be pleasant,’ says Pham, ‘so negotiators will inflate their emotions hoping the other party will seek closure.’

Important to consider is the relationship you have with the other party to determine whether their emotions are likely genuine or feigned, says Pham. ‘If you’re negotiating within a couple–negotiating the division of labor within the household–I think you should pay attention to those emotions and if the person is really offended by certain requests. Where you have to pay attention is whenever you’re dealing with people who can fake them. That’s the difference between dealing with a car dealer who does that for a living versus the normal negotiations that we do in everyday life.’ Professional relationships are tricky because they fall somewhere in the middle. Even if you have a personal relationship with your boss, when it comes time to negotiate a salary increase, he may still feign the distress your demands are causing.’”

Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time

Although difficult while you are in the heat of a negotiation, to the extent possible keeping emotions and personalities out of the equation will lead to a better outcome.

To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.

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“Always Be Negotiating
In a work setting, people often make the mistake of not realizing they are in a negotiation, when in fact they are. With your guard down, you stand to lose ground to others. ‘When you’re in a meeting, there are people at that meeting who go in there with the mindset that this is all negotiating–an opportunity to get x, whether it’s resources or support,’ says Miller. ‘Another party goes into that meeting with no agenda or goals. The party that’s treating it as a negotiation is very likely to get what they want and the party going in there viewing this just as an exchange of information is likely to wonder, ‘How did we reach an agreement on something I really didn’t want?’

That’s because they weren’t prepared for it. Miller suggests employing a practice called anchoring, which is simply determining the best-case outcome before entering a negotiation. It’s just a starting point, but it will keep you from being pulled too far from your interests. And with the mindset that everything is negotiable, you’ll a better self-advocate.”

Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time

Anyone who has ever heard me discuss negotiating or have read my books, already knows, I strongly believe that: ” (1) “everything in life is negotiable” and (2) “if you don’t ask, you won’t get.”

To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.

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No. 1 “Understand the Process
‘The first way to not fall prey to others manipulating your emotions is to understand the process and what the other person’s going to do,’ says Miller. ‘If you can anticipate it, it has no impact.” For example, a common tactic in negotiating is using the ‘good cop, bad cop’ routine. One party will entice the other with a promising deal and then bring in someone else to play hardball. ‘You think you have a deal. You become emotionally attached to that deal. And then he takes himself out of the picture and brings in someone brand new that has no emotional attachment.’

Sure, this happens at most car dealerships (‘Just let me check with my manager!’), but it’s also used in the workplace. Supervisors often use the guise of getting a higher-up’s approval so they can remain in your good grace while still not budging. The key is, if you can anticipate this, you’re less likely to make emotional, knee-jerk reaction, says Miller. ‘You won’t be emotional about it because you’ll know it’s just part of the negotiating process.’ And when it happens, redirect the discussion to the negotiation instead of focusing on who’s making the decision.”

Author: Denis Wilson from 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time

During business negotiations, I often heard someone from the other team say “I can’t agree to that! I’d have to run that issue up to the CEO or maybe even the Board. Are you certain that is something you absolutely need because it is risky from where I sit.” That’s just another way of playing hardball when you are down to the hard core issues in the negotiation.

Of course, there is a risk to using that approach too often. My approach to ensure that the other party doesn’t keep using that tactic is to ay “Well, if you don’t have enough authority to negotiate this deal, we probably are wasting our time talking. Let’s get someone in here that has the authority to agree to something we negotiate.”

Effectively, you have just performed another step in the “chicken dance” by advising the other party that you are in a more powerful position than they are.

To learn more about achieving better negotiated outcomes and building better relationships, please go to my new web site, www.lessonsfrommydog.com.

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For those of you that have read my books and my articles, you realize that before the negotiations begin, there are certain actions and antics that people, and animals, employ to better position themselves. THese actions and antics are what I fondly refer to as the “chicken dance”.

In addition, you also realize that to achieve a better outcome one of the key negotiating tips I have shared with you is to “focus on the issues, not on the person”. Said another way, albeit the fact that, as human beings, emotions will be present at every negotiation.

The keys to success are: (1) to recognize the “chicken dance” for what it is and (2) to manage your emotions so that they become a positive factor leading to a better outcome.

In an article entitled “Negotiate Like A Car Salesman 5 Tactics to Help You Win Every Time”, Denis Wilson addresses the issue of emotions as follows.

“Emotions are critical to how we negotiate,” says Lee Miller, author of UP: Influence, Power and the U Perspective–The Art of Getting What You Want. “Traditional negotiating theory said that the goal of being a good negotiator is to take emotion out of the negotiation and find the best objective solution. The only problem is it ignores human behavior. You can’t take emotions out of negotiations. And there’s no one objective solution–it depends on how each party sees things, which depends in part on what they’re emotionally attached to what they’re motivated by.”

‘If properly understood, the emotional subtext of a negotiation can be used to your advantage. It’s important because negotiating is crucial to professional advancement. Every day we seek to influence colleagues, clients, managers, and vendors, hoping we get what we want. If you’re not prepared to negotiate for your interests, rest assured others will for theirs, and you’ll get played like a fiddle. However, becoming more familiar with the tactics of negotiating and how your emotions and those of others come into play can help tip the scales back in your favor.”

Over the next 5 weeks I will present the 5 tactics as put forth by Denis, along with my own perspective on each of them.

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I have been spending a lot of time recently reflecting on how my life has changed since Hooch, the West Highland Terrier, came into my life. Hooch has taught me a lot about life in general and about slowing down to get most out of each day.

I’ve learned a lot about building lifetime relationships just by being with him. I’ve learned some new things about what it takes to achieve a successful outcome through creative negotiation — in his case, including perhaps a little bribery.

So, as we begin a new year, I decided to share the “lessons from my dog” with you. Hooch has caused me to make changes in my life and has inspired me in many ways. Maybe through his lessons, he’ll inspire you too!

That’s what my new website lessonsfrommydog.com is all about. Sharing what we have learned from our pets and how these lessons have impacted our lives. I’ll tell you what I have learned from Hooch and you can tell me what you have learned from your pet. That way we’ll all be better off by learning something new.

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I am very excited. Getting from You and Me to WE is now available on Kindle. But wait, there’s more! In addition to the US and Canada, it is available in Brazil, China, France, Germany, Italy, India, Japan, Spain and the UK.