Here’s what happened. As a result of losing a federal case for racketeering and fraud in 1999, the Mustang Ranch, a legal brothel near Reno, Nevada, was forfeited to the federal government. The Mustang Ranch was the first brothel in Nevada to be licensed. It was by far and away the biggest legal brothel as measured by annual revenue. At that time, its revenues reportedly were greater than the combined revenues of all the other legal brothels in Nevada. In 2002, a mere three years later, the assets of the Mustang Ranch including its paintings, its furniture, its accessories, etc. were auctioned off by the federal government. In fact, the bar stools, the beds and bedding, the bidets and the room numbers were auctioned off in an attempt to recover the former owner’s back taxes. Ultimately, the government got creative and put the Mustang Ranch up for bid on eBay where it sold for the grand sum of $145,100. It has since been reopened by the successful bidder.
The point here is that if the federal government could not make a go of a legal business entity whose principal products were prostitution and liquor, what is their real motive for getting into the banking, automotive and health care industries? It certainly can’t be profit motivated! Are we now looking at using our taxpayer dollars on a continuing basis to provide ongoing bailouts to industries where the federal government has increased their involvement and gained more control? Is this the beginning of another giant chicken dance, where we the taxpayers are being dragged to the dance floor involuntarily, or is it something more in line with what used to go on at the Mustang Ranch?
From where I sit, the conclusion is pretty obvious. If you cannot make money at the oldest profession in the world, you have no business running any other enterprise!
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Recently, I accompanied my wife on a shopping excursion to acquire some “post Xmas super savings”. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do that day, but figured it might provide an opportunity for some creative negotiation somewhere along the way.
In one store, we went up to a table with a large sign announcing “Selected Items 60% Off”. As the table contained some candles that my wife was specifically looking for, she thought that she would be saving a significant amount of money by buying ahead for next year. My spin was, “this is how you go broke saving money”, but just to keep the peace, I kept that thought to myself.
When the clerk began to ring up the candles, the discount was only 25%. With a smile on my face, I asked the clerk to accompany me back to the table. I then asked that she read me the sign as I must have misread it or had a “senior moment” as I thought the items on the table were “60% off”. She pointed out that only “Selected Items” were 60% off.
Again, with a smile, I said, “That’s what I read too”, and I “selected” these items, so don’t you think I should get 60% off? Actually, I was joust having some fun, as I was getting bored. When she stopped laughing, we returned to the register at which point she took another 25% off the candles.
Not a bad return for a bit of humor. More importantly, however,once again it supports my negotiating tip, “You only get what you ask for or If you don’t ask, you don’t get”.
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I recently heard a story from someone I had spoken with about asking for something in return before you give something away. This is a great story!
Someone I know recently took their SUV in for an oil change and was told that it was time for some regularly scheduled maintenance. The dealership — one of two owned by the group — quoted a price in excess of $400 for the scheduled maintenance plus the oil change. My friend paid $29.95 for the oil change and said they would think about the other recommended maintenance as they did not happen to have another $400+ for discretionary spending at that time.
About two weeks later, a card arrived in the mail from the other dealership within the group offering the identical scheduled maintenance at a somewhat lower price. My friend took that as an opportunity to negotiate, and proceeded to talk to the second dealership. My friend explained that they were upset that the first dealership had tried to take advantage of them by charging full price for the scheduled maintenance in addition to full price for the oil change — good opening tactic. Then the negotiations began in earnest.
THe net result was that the scheduled maintenance was performed at about a $100 savings (more than original discount offered by the second dealership) and
the price was further discounted by virtue of my friend getting additional credit for the $29.95 payment they already had made for the oil change.
For someone who was reluctant to negotiate until recently, getting a discount of over $125 versus the original quote of about $450 is a major success. All I can say is that Jan has earned a place on my list of “New Negotiating Heroes.”
My friend was able to
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Recently I entered into rental agreements at two different apartment facilities in SE Michigan. Normally, each facility requires a 90 day minimum rental for furnished apartments, but I was able to negotiate a 30 day period at each of the facilities so I could assess which best suited my needs.
I only required a one bedroom apartment, but only two bedroom apartments were available at both locations at a higher rent. Even though I had no other alternatives, I did not want to pay a signifact premium for something that was uneccessary (i.e. the second bedroom). As hard as I negotiated, only one development agreed to rent the two bedroom apartment for the price of a one bedroom while the other refused to negotiate the price. My take was that one facility had no one else interested for the specific time period while the other had other tenants in the wings.
Once I moved in to the facility that had been willing to rent the two bedroom for the price of a one bedroom, I discovered that no linens had been provided for the second bedroom. My interpretation was that they were sending me a message, but at that point it was not an issue for me. They were in control and were demonstrating power and position. And so, the chicken dance began again, or so I was about to find out.
After two nights of noise from local restaurants, bars, and early morning deliveries I thought the second bedroom might be quieter. The next day I called the management company and requested linens for the second bedroom. Their response initially aggravated me, but the more I thought about it, the more I found humor in their negotiating position — “we’ll send the service over tomorrow morning with linens for the beds in the second bedroom and they will remove the linens from the master bedroom.” They just leveraged their position that I only had paid rent for a one bedroom apartment and they were only going to provide linens for one bedroom or the other. I’m surprised they didn’t remove all the furnishings from the second bedroom, but was not about to bring that up. Rather than trying to negotiate with them, my response was simple — I told them to forget about it; I would deal with the situation myself.
Had I needed to use the second bedroom, I quickly determined that it would have been much more time efficient and cost effective to purchase a set of sheets versus negotiating with the management company. As it turned out, after about ten days I became accustomed to most of the noise, so there really was no difference between the bedrooms.
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On a recent road trip from Florida to Michigan, my wife and I had occasion to stay at three distinct properties of the same hotel chain. The first night, we were not able our sleep was interrupted due to a noisy air conditioning unit. As a result, we really were looking forward to the “deluxe accomodations” reserved for our second stop.
After checking in, we soon realized that the furnishings were beyond “well worn,” the mattress was convex, and overall, the “suite” needed a total overhaul. The last straw was that no newspaper was at the door the next morning.
My wife, who is quite adept at negotiating, approached the front desk with her best smile and cheery voice. Her approach was to point out that she recognized the hotel chain had a quality image that they took pride in and she wanted to make them aware of some circumstances that might detract from their desired image. She politely advised the clerk that the furnishings and the room itself appeared to be “older than dirt” and generally not supportive of our normal experience with the hotel chain. In response, the clerk indicated that the hotel was being completely renovated, but that our floor had been put on hold until “after season.” In addition, the clerk stated that unfortunately the hotel had run out of newspapers before getting to our room. The clerk made no offer to rectify the situation, but seemed to be saying that it was just a set of circumstances.
While staying in the background several feet away, I began to smile as I knew that the clerk had crossed the line. In addition she totally forgot about customer focus. I knew she was about to enter into some negotiations with a pro. In other words, the “chicken dance” was over and the real negotiations were about to begin. While the conversation continued, my wife very calmly negotiated free parking, a room discount, an apology from the hotel manager and a free breakfast. I honestly believe that had she not been overtired from the previous night, she would have had our bill totally forgiven. My best guess is that had she been on her game she might have walked out with a check just to make her a happy customer.
All I can add is that it was a pleasure to watch my wife negotiate. All you need to remember “if you don’t ask, you don’t get.” In other words, you only get what you negotiate!
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Recently, I had to take a family member to the doctor. As a result of the complexities associated with the illness, the doctor immediately wanted to admit the patient to the hospital for around-the-clock care. The patient was adamently opposed to entering the hospital as she believed the situation could be handled at home. The doctor was just as adament about putting the patient in the hospital.
After about 5 minutes, I believed the discussion was spiraling downward. At that point I decided to enter the discussion without getting “caught in the middle”. My approach was to ask a few questions to determine the protocol required to care for the patient, whether any alternative avenues might be available for any procedures that in the doctor’s opinion we might not be able to perform at home and other related matters. My intents were to: (1) demonstrate to the doctor that I was reasonably intelligent and possibly competent enough to handle the situation at home and (2) reinforce in the patient’s mind that this was a very complex situation that just might require hospitalization.
The doctor outlined the specifics in detail and I commited them to writing. I also commited to take the patient to the hospital in the event of a significant change and I agreed to speak with the doctor at least once every 24 hours. On this basis we reached agreement that I could care for the patient at home. I must admit that when I started asking questions, my intent was to defuse the debate so that the patient might realize the benefits of entering the hospital. I really did not anticipate successfully gaining the doctor’s confidence to transfer the patient’s care to me.
This just further reinforces my beliefs that “everything in life is negotiable” and “if you do not ask, you do not get!” It further reinforces the need to establish trust between the parties if you are going to achieve a mutually satisfactory outcome. Now all I have to do is deliver on my commitments to the doctor and the patient.
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Remember where this series of articles all started? It began with the phrase “Paraprosdokian expressions.”
Remember what they are? The term “paraprosdokian” comes from Greek where it means “beyond expectations.”
I don’t know the authors of these expressions, but I found them to be I very cleverly worded:
- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
- Evening news is where they begin with “Good Evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t
- I thought I wanted a career; turns out all I just wanted paychecks.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- I used to be conceited, but now I am perfect.
- I used to be indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
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“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” — Will Rogers
“Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. — Author Unknown
“If you are going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill
“The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.” — Author Unknown
“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” — Mitch Hedberg
“Take my wife—please.” — Henny Youngman
” It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” Winston Churchill
•“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming and terrified like his passengers.” — Bob Monkhouse
Feel free to comment and add more
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Looking back over time, it has been said that many “writers were good at creating paraprosdokians,” few excelled like Groucho Marx and Winston Churchill.
From Groucho’s repetoire:
“I had a wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
Winston Churchill once stated, “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing — after they have tried everything else.”
When commenting on “the progressive ideas of Labor Party member Sir Stafford Cripps,” Churchill said “There but for the grace of God, goes God.”
When speaking about Clement Atlee, Churchill once said, “A modest man, who has much to be modest about”.
Finally, let us not forget W.C. Fields who was famous for his quip “Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one nigh.”.
•“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.” — Will Rogers
•Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
•“If you are going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill
•“The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.”
•“I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.” — Mitch Hedberg
•“Take my wife—please.” — Henny Youngman
•” It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.” Winston Churchill
•“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father, not screaming and terrified like his passengers.” — Bob Monkhouse
Feel free to comment and add more
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I am a firm believer that learning should never stop. I was not familiar with the word “parprosdokian” until recently. I may have unknowingly used a “paraprosdokian expression”. Now that I understand it, I can think of many situations where use of a paraprosdokian expression would have been useful at the negotiating table. Definitely going to add it to my list of negotiating tools. So if you do not already know what it is, READ ON !!!
A paraprosdokian expression is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is often used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
As I only recently discovered the use of paraprosdokian expressions, I will be looking for publishing more examples over the next several weeks.
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